I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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