I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize