I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize