I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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