She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
