White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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