I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
