I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just invented taco cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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