That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM VODKA MAN
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
