This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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