Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
