No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
