I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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