OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
