what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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