I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
