Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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