im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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