angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
