So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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