Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize