:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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