Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
