Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize