this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
