So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
