i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
