i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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