If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drunk is not a location!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
