Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
