This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
