My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
