I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
