i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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