You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So drunk its hurt
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
