$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
