i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
