o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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