i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
