the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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