I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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