you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
