I just threw up on my dentist
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
