scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
