There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
