no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I love you.
Bad choice
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