I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
