Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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