I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
