Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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