We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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