you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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