it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
