had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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