i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize