tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
