Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
