Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
