no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
