booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
