Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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