You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
