home. puking in laundry basket.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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