I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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