you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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