Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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