NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
